Freedom Sets You Free: Truth
Some of the bravest things we can do in our lives is: tell the truth even when it hurts, apologize for any wrong doing we recognize, and ask for help. I have recently started speaking my scary truths to discover what it feels like to have a voice, thus giving myself a chance to be free.
Whether it was upbringing or personality is neither here nor there for me, but I was painfully shy in most every situation until I was a Senior in high school. Then, I was only painfully shy in large groups of people I didn't know. Because of this, I was a "late bloomer" compared to the majority of my friends when it came to dating and kissing or even communicating. I had been homeschooled prior to being enrolled into public school; where I was sent into class without any knowledge of life outside of my close knit bubble. In most areas I was naive.
Fast forward several years later to when I was a teenager. Someone very dear to me, someone I saw as another father figure in my life waited until everyone had left the room, wrapped me in a tight embrace, kissed me on the mouth, held me tighter when I pushed back against him and tried to take it further until he heard someone coming down the hall. He later had someone else apologize to me with the excuse that he was just treating me like family. I was so relieved to put this behind me and move forward. "Ok I want to believe you so this doesn't have to be so heavy anymore!" But it wasn't the last time and it didn't ever "feel like family". It ruined multiple relationships I cherished and changed my entire life.
My world was crushed. What value did I have if someone who told me they saw me as daughter could treat me this way? If I had even kissed someone of my own free will at this point it had just happened. My already small self-esteem from feeling so different from everyone else got smaller. I looked for anyway out and my favorite was by being as numb as possible. Being numb made it a lot harder to care about the hurtful things people would do. But it also made me retreat instead of fight when something I didn't want to do was happening. I didn't see the purpose in fighting anyways, my 5'3 100lb frame wasn't a match for someone who claimed to care about me, what would it do against someone who didn't care at all?
I put myself in a series of situations that felt like living a horror version of Groundhog's Day. And despite some of the other traumatic things that happened to me, none of them hurt as much as being betrayed and used by someone I loved and trusted like family. It took me years to unravel the effects of those events. I have found my worth at this point and have been able to set clear boundaries from this place. It wasn't a clean cut journey, but it was more than worth it.
If you're struggling to find your voice through a painful situation, don't be afraid to reach out. Let's schedule a free consultation session to discover your best next steps #mytruth #myhealing #myvoice #yourtruth #yourhealing #yourvoice #freedom